As a single lady and marriage aspirant, I may not be in the best position to talk about marriage or know how marriage works. After all, I can't speak on what I have no first-hand experience of, probably because my opinions are not be grounded in the reality.
Well, valid point.
No two marriages are the same—the experience is different for everyone. What works for couple A might not work for couple B.
Also, a valid point.
They say only people who are married can truly understand what it means to be married—the whole till death do us part, living together, having kids, facing challenges together and committing to one person for life. You know, that idea of sticking to one partner through it all. It’s no small decision, if you ask me.
I understand all of this, and that’s why I avoid having strong opinions about marriage. I simply pray I marry right and don’t end up in the category of people who seemingly have made the wrong choice. But even when someone picks the best choice, does that guarantee the marriage will go smoothly with no drama , issues or resentment in the long run? I honestly can’t say.
All I believe is that marriage should be about two people committed to making it work—through the good times and the tough times, through thick and thin. The moment you say I do, you should be ready to walk the journey and make it work—of course, except in cases of extreme emotional or physical abuse. That’s a clear exception.
But the bone of contention is this: I don’t understand how people complain so much about their marriages and partners when they were once convinced they had found the one. They stood before family and friends, exchanged vows, and began what was meant to be a forever journey—only to become cat and mouse a few years in. It’s crazy.
That said, inasmuch as I avoid jumping into marriage conversations unprovoked, I was intrigued—and left wondering—by something a lady said about her own marriage. It got me asking myself: Is it even possible to make the right choice when it comes to a life partner, considering how dynamic human nature is? Or are we all somehow doomed to similar experiences—well, it's not always Rosy, I get. But why not handle differences and challenges with love, knowing that is you both against the world, not against each other?
So, I was at this walk-in drug mart, sitting in the waiting area. Two ladies and a young guy were seated and talking. I had passed them earlier because I had something urgent to attend to. When I came back, I recognized the guy, and we greeted briefly as I sat down to wait.
The lady in the middle, fair-skinned, a little plump, and of average height, was saying—rather bitterly—that she regretted getting married. "If I had known marriage was like this, I would have stayed single," she said. That caught my attention. I looked in their direction and smiled at the guy I recognized—he had already started giving me a curious look before he asked, “Are you married?”
“No,” I replied, still smiling, wondering what had led to such a harsh statement from the woman.
“I’m single too,” he said. “Let’s listen to what she’s saying.” He turned back to her as she continued to vent about how draining, tiring, and difficult marriage had been for her.
The lady beside her looked on in surprise, listening intently as the woman continued to say that marriage was boring, that she felt trapped.
I was curious. So many questions started popping up in my head. I glanced at the wedding ring on her finger. I wanted to join the conversation and ask her a few things, but I didn’t have much time—I was due to leave soon.
By this time, the lady beside her had asked why she found marriage so draining. Was it the chores? The kids? Managing the home? I didn’t quite catch the response, but the whole scenario sparked an internal curiosity.
First of all, it’s discouraging to hear some married people speak about marriage in such a negative light. And honestly it becoming Rampant. Making it seem like the whole marriage deal is a scam. I know not everyone will have it right. But This particular woman is one example.
Now, let me view this from two perspectives:
First, from her point of view. She seems to be genuinely worn out by her experience and now regrets settling down. She’s passing that negativity to singles like me. In fact, the guy already seemed to agree with her, even citing a married friend of his who often pretends to have out-of-town appointments just to lodge in a nearby hotel and escape his wife.
Which brings me to my question—why do people get married and then feel trapped? Why does it suddenly become boring? Why do they stop putting in the effort to make it work? Why does the spark that brought them together die off?
Second, how do two people who once couldn’t get enough of each other suddenly become strangers after getting married and cohabitating? That they can’t even stand each other’s presence or pretend to? What really went wrong? Is it poor communication? A lack of understanding? Lack of effort to make it work? what could be the problem?
Every Saturday, couples tie the knot. And I’m always left wondering: Are they truly ready for marriage? Are you sure he or she is the one? Not just the wedding—the party, the Asoebi, the social media buzz. But marriage. The real deal.
I'm always tempted to ask what will become of you two in 5 to 10 years? Will you still be pals? Or will it turn into palava?
Thanks for reading, I'm glad you did. If something here spoke to you, share your thoughts in the comments or pass this along to someone who might enjoy it. Your voice matters, and I’d love to hear it. Don't forget to follow.
©DeeOn
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