A "First Date Fail" experience.

 I once had a date for the first time with this guy I met few days before. we planned an evening hangout probably in a garden location I was to picked. But I later changed my mind and decided for it to be in an eatry close to my house because he asked me, he hopes I am going to dress sexy. Ding ding ding!  Perv alert.

About few hours to the meeting time he called to confirm the date and the location. I directed him on how to come from where he was coming from. It was about time, I dressed up in casual jean trouser and a turtle neck long sleeve to cover well ready to leave for the eatry. no be only sexy . This story may or may not come off as a bad first date experience to whomever, yeah, but to me, it was, due to these reasons.

first, he found it difficult to locate the eatry that was just by the major road and hard to miss. keeping me waiting for over 20 mins, calling him to make sure I'm not the reason someone son goes missing.

finally, he located the place. Thank God. He apologized, saying my description wasn't specific enough. Bruuh, the eatry is literally in our faces on this road, but you found it hard to locate it? okay. I tried to maintain composure. Second, he kept trying to hold my hand or hold me by the waist, ahn-ahn, is this one okay? I was just dodging and avoiding his preying hands. This guy had no idea of personal space and boundaries. First time meeting someone for a date and you cannot keep your hands to yourself. Hian, Thank God this place is public.

Third, moving on, we ordered our food and climbed upstairs to eat and perhaps get to know each other better. first thing he said as we were seated was I look like his ex who is now married. Are you for Real? is this why you ask us to meet so we can discuss your ex? Eh?

We talked a little and found out where we both are from and our places of work. and other surface information. Fourth, he kept talking and making lame jokes. I was just occasionally forcing smiles and laughter to avoid the convo being too awkward. He hadn't touch his food by now, just looking at me eat while his food was looking at him. Half way into eating my chips, 

Me: "won't you eat your food?" 

Him: "Don't worry, I will eat, I'm just happy you are here with me.".   ??? weirdo???.

He then started professing undying attraction and love for me ,and how lucky he is to have met me. Just like that? Oga, you love me? I just met you three days ago oo hehehe. Believe me, at this point the food I was eating was not entering well again.

Fifth, he then started to eat, still referring back to his Ex occasionally, this guy could not let me talk for at least two minutes without cutting me of to say something. He even said he will show me her picture that I look so much like her. 

mmtcheww...hei God. who did I offend? 

My only consolation was the chicken in my mouth, cause this guy was just not it, I glanced at my wrist watch for the 6th time in 10 minutes.

Okay. so I was almost done with my food yeah, He said something and I almost choked.

"Please, I need to drink water". 

He went to get me water, while I was relishing the two mins break from his talking. it's like this guy doesn't know its bad to talk while eating? I wondered, Na wa o.

Sixth, After he came back and sat down staring at me, he called me ifunanya. I was wondering if that was another of his girlfriend or maybe ex, he wanted to talk about.

"That's not my name" , I replied.

"Yeah, I know but thats what I'm going to call you".

see wahala. why? don't you like my name?

"Yes , I don't like your name, that's why I'll call you Ifunanya, even my Ex, I didn't like her name so I changed it to Stephanie, Everyone now calls her that name". 

I rolled my eyes to my plate. it's the audacity for me. I Sha just wanted to finish my food in peace.

By now I was done with my food. I kept checking my wrist watch indicating I wanted to leave soon. 

Him: I know you just can't wait to leave me.

Honestly, you are very correct. I forced a smile saying how tired I was and needed to go and rest. He hurried over his remaining food, asking me when next I would have time to hangout with him again.

shey you dey whine me?

©DeeOn