Bella woke up feeling blank.
Not sad.
Not regretful.
Just empty, in a way she couldn’t explain.
The room was cool, dim, and quiet, aside from the low background hum of the TV. The kind of calm that made her hyper aware of herself, of her own breathing. Her body and head ached slightly, expected after the fun activities of a few hours ago. But her mind felt detached, like it had stepped outside her body to observe her from a distance.
She sat up and glanced around, searching for him. Her eyes were heavy, hungover, sleep-deprived. He was probably in the bathroom, she thought. He had held her all through the night after their vigorous bed activity, sleeping peacefully with her on his chest. It was their first intimate moment since they started dating.
She waited for warmth to arrive.
For satisfaction.
For that this-feels-right moment.
It didn’t come.
Instead, irritation crept in, not anger, just discomfort. Something felt off, unnamed but present. Overthinking followed, low and prickly.
Her thoughts began to pile up.
Why doesn’t she feel connected?
Why does she want to pull away instead of lean in?
Bella stared blankly at the table before her.
He stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel, greeted her, and leaned in to kiss her from behind. A loving kiss. Gentle. Intentional. Yet Bella wondered how something so intimate ,something that should feel right , could leave her feeling so unsure.
Her mind drifted backward.
To how it all began at Ebeano supermarket.
Nothing dramatic. Just one of those ordinary evenings after work.
She noticed his stare before he spoke ,the kind of attention you feel on your skin before your eyes meet it. He lingered two steps behind her until she stopped in front of the herbal tea section, debating whether sleep and relaxation were things she could buy off a shelf.
“Are you new in this neighbourhood?” he asked.
She almost smiled. Probably his go-to line.
She studied him briefly. Tall. Dark. Top-heavy. Not exactly gym-built, but with a slight tummy that suggested chop-life tendencies or poor eating habits.
“Not really,” Bella replied. “Are you?”
She actually was new, but who cared? Certainly not this man she assumed was married, based on his look.
They talked. Drifted into other aisles. Met again at the checkout. He was a pharmacist. She was a realtor , and also handled FMCG procurement and supplies on the side. They talked about work stress, hobbies, movies. She recommended one related to his field.
That was how it started.
When he called later that week, he opened the conversation with the movie.
The talking stage that followed was slow.
Light.
Unforced.
Undemanding.
They spoke occasionally. No rush. No emotional urgency. Bella wasn’t deeply feeling his energy, so she matched his pace, polite interest, nothing more.
Eventually, the conversations faded. As expected.
For six months, there was silence. No drama. No closure. Just puff ,like a ghost. Surprisingly, it didn’t hurt. She barely noticed.
When he resurfaced, responding to her WhatsApp selfie updates, it was casual , like nothing had paused. Just that random guy who only replied to pretty pictures. Bella knew this and didn’t expect more.
But this time, he was more present. More consistent. He called often. Paid attention. Showed support. Planned dates. Hinted at his interest repeatedly. He wasn’t backing down, and she matched his pace.
Two months later, he asked her to be his girlfriend.
Bella hesitated. She still hadn’t figured him out. Unsure of what he really wanted.
She told him she wasn’t ready. That she was unstable. That she had emotional baggage. That maybe they should stop talking. He pleaded otherwise , said he wanted more, that he didn’t want the distance.
So she stayed.
Not fully in.
Not fully out.
Just present enough to observe him, out of curiosity and hope.
Closeness grew quietly. Communication increased. A spark ignited. Then it became physical ,lingering touches, hand-holding, hugs. Pecked kisses turned into softer, sloppier kisses that felt intentional.
She agreed to be his girl.
He showed care in steady, practical ways , buying her medication when she was sick, food when she complained, small financial gestures and unexpected credit alerts that made her smile despite herself.
Months passed. Things were good. Festivities arrived. Holidays. The need to unwind.
That night, she finally agreed to stay out with him ,music, alcohol, a party. A fun night. It stretched into morning, and into something else.
Back at his place, the sexual tension ignited. It escalated.
They had sex.
Bella enjoyed it.
He did too.
But the next morning, lying still and staring at the ceiling ,even with the cuddles , she knew something had shifted.
He was gentle. Complimented her. Bought pain medication. Dropped her off later. Even sent her money when she mentioned a wedding she had to attend the next day.
On the outside, everything looked good.
He noticed her dull mood. Asked if she was okay. Apologized in case he had hurt her.
She smiled weakly and said she was fine. Probably just tired. Hungover from partying all night.
But she wasn’t.
Inside her, something activated ,a jury of self-questioning that wouldn’t stop. From then on, every delayed reply stirred something. Every unusual distance felt louder than it should. Every move he made was scrutinized like data meant to reveal his true intentions.
She wasn’t ashamed.
She wasn’t regretful.
She was just uncertain.
And her body confirmed what her mind hadn’t fully accepted.
Bella realized something quietly but clearly: intimacy didn’t deepen the connection they seemed to have. It exposed what was missing.
Her worries weren’t weakness.
They were information.
She wanted love.
She wanted intimacy.
She wanted the whole thing ,not the bare minimum.
But she didn’t feel emotionally accepted enough by him to feel settled or secure.
That morning, Bella gained an awareness that didn’t come with peace ,only mental noise. Persistent thoughts whispering:
This won’t last.
And that was the real morning after.
Disclaimer
This is fictional. Any resemblance to real persons, events, or situations is purely coincidental.
©Dee_on 10.03.26
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